A friend of mine passed away recently, and I suppose it’s taken a short while and a fair amount of alcohol, to truly appreciate his life as I knew it.

The following has been, and always will be, one of the most amusing and awesome memories of my younger life.  He shared a gem of a story with me one day about a tough lesson he learned earlier in his life and he delivered it in such a way to where I was completely sucked in and listening intently the whole time (as was the only way one should ever appreciate any of his stories and/or imparted lessons).

After a long delivery about health and maintaining happiness throughout life, he delivered only two words which could ever only be defined as a punchline. “Don’t push”.

He was of course referring to hemorrhoids and rather than alluding to this fact, he made the statement bluntly shortly thereafter, as was his style.

While the fact that pushing during movement would almost assuredly cause lifelong physical ailments was of course the meaning of the story, the underlying intent was clear in his delivery and execution.  As with everything I personally knew of this man, the punchline only barely touched the surface.

It was in this humorous moment, he defined the direction and philosophy of my future life.

Say it was his reason, or his way of connecting with me, generations apart and yet completely understanding, it nevertheless truly astounds me.

He understood me.

This story he shared with me would have only been for hope that one day I might comprehend the mere fact that despite it all, forcing the round peg through the square hole will never work.  Such a simple concept one might learn early in life, I failed to believe or accept.

He knew that I wouldn’t simply listen to someone telling me to relax, to chill out, to let it go. He knew I would need something more, and he gave it to me. In two awesome, inspiring, and amusing words, he changed my life.

As sad as it might be, I never actually knew him all that well. I was, as many of us tend to be, too young, selfish, and caught up in my own reality to ever care much about his life. I was too concerned with my own problems to ever think or care about what someone else might be feeling, but he knew this and he understood.

Despite my selfish nature, he understood and accepted me for who and what I was.

Regardless of everything, this man, this father figure in my young life, knew what I needed to hear and at that moment, provided me the knowledge, as amusing as it may have been, to live life to its fullest and relax when things don’t go the way I hope. He managed to connect with a young, dumb, strung out dorky ball of stress through humor and inspiring presence, and it truly changed my life.

He offered me this story after a company I had banked my future on went bankrupt.  I was completely broke, emotionally and financially, struggling to make it to the next month and he shared a story with me, and $250, to cover the remainder of my rent that month.

To this day I credit him with changing the direction of my life completely and entirely.

I became who I wanted to be, not because I had to but because I wanted to.

I think about his generosity, and that story, and I smile.

I know that a man, my friend, cared enough about me to tell me a story from his life in such a way that would allow me to understand, acknowledge, and believe. 

There is hope.

I live, every day, knowing that it’s better to relax and let it be than it ever would be to push something that never will be, that never could be.

Don’t push.

So profound. So simple in delivery.. such perfection in execution.

This is my memory of my friend.

This is all I have of him, memories of his humor, his amazing and inspiring presence and I thought I’d share it with you because it demonstrates to me that although one might depart from our lives, they will never be gone from our memories.

That matters to me. A lot, and I really wish I could tell him that. I’ll never be able to and while it saddens me, I’m sure he would think (but never say) it’s not about me, is it?

Don’t push.  I get it.  I finally understand and I’m so sorry for not understanding sooner. So, so truly sorry.

Thank you for taking the time to read this story.  I know he’d slap me for sharing it but it’s something I needed to share.  Something I wanted to share.